had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
