If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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