So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
