Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
