69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
