Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
