i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
