just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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