I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
