First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
