He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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