If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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