Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
