Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
