She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
