Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
