You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
