The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
