I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
