just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
