my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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