this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
