HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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