try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think my moral compass just broke
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
