Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
