I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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