i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
