That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
