i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
