i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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