Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
