The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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