I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she peed on how many people?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
