Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
