Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
