Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
