i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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