Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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