I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
