don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
