You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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