If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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