if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
