omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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