I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
