Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
