I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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