Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
