i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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