I will die if light touches me.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
