Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
