youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
